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The hazards of becoming an ex-smoker
A tongue-in-cheek look at "giving up"


Article by Pippa published in Prevention: Australia's Best Health Magazine, March 1993.

Congratulations! You've finally decided to give up smoking! Having made this death-defying decision you should now be warned of the unforeseen hazards of 'giving up'.

What exactly is an ex-smoker? If a person who has never smoked is a 'non-smoker', and those currently smoking are 'smokers', then ex-smokers are those engaged in 'ex-smoking' - an entirely different breed. The first difficult fact you must face is that an ex-smoker can never become a nonsmoker, no matter how hard you try. It's analogous to trying to become a virgin having been a 'non-virgin'.

We've all heard that giving up can be a traumatic experience. During the giving up period, friends and relatives can expect dramatic changes in the personality and behaviour of the potential ex-smoker and they should be well prepared. It is often the loved ones that suffer most during this trying period.

A dangerous and often unexpected side-effect of ex-smoking is increased productivity. This is largely due to an upset in biological rhythm. The smoker is conditioned to periodically stopping for a 'smoko'. Many do not recognise this and call it a 'thinking' break. It generally requires putting down the tools being used and picking up a cigarette instead. Remember, this action is not under conscious control and, in the early stages, the ex-smoker will still reach for the invisible cigarette.

He/she finds his/her thinking is temporarily out of order as a result of the nonexistent cigarette. But gradually, he/she remembers to forget to put down the tools, regains control of 'thinking' and finds that he/she is capable of continuing with the job in hand without stopping periodically.

A side-effect of this side-effect is increased tiredness, which leads to better sleep at night. Many smokers are insomniacs and find it difficult to get out of the habit of waking up during the night for a cigarette. (Though smokers, of course, do not understand why they have this need - they believe they wake up during the night because they can't sleep!)

The Missing Limb Syndrome

Another side effect of becoming an ex-smoker is a form of the 'missing limb syndrome'. Over the years, the smoker has grown to accept the cigarette as a part of his or her person - an extension of the index and middle fingers of (usually) the right hand. Truly dedicated smokers have this appendage attached to the lips. Adjustments are made for simple locomotive tasks (like, for example, allowing for extra space needed when walking through doorways) and the ability to talk with the mouth half-closed becomes a practice skill. Telephone smokers even have a special dialect. The removal of this growth is traumatic for some ex-smokers who fail to make the necessary adjustments.

Many find they have an overwhelming need to put substitutes into their mouths, and since food is the common and socially acceptable thing to deposit in the mouth, many put on weight. Ex-smokers are also inclined to get drunk twice as fast as non-smokers or smokers because of poor hand-mouth co-ordination.

The rhythmic sip-puff-ash, sip-puff-ash is upset and replaced by sip-sip-sip, or by some, guzzle-guzzle-guzzle. This side effect can last for months and even years and needs to be managed with care. Finding other hand and mouth habits is recommended, preferably socially acceptable ones like knitting.

Friends and relatives who are aware of these side-effects should be able to give the potential ex-smoker the type of support needed in making necessary adjustments to the new status. But some ex-smokers have more trouble than others and many need professional help. Relaxation therapy and stress management courses are worthwhile. Most importantly, don't let them give up giving up!

Enormous Rewards

The rewards for undergoing this ex-smoking ordeal are enormous. A longer and healthier life is highly rated, but ex-smokers also gain a new sense of freedom and the satisfaction of having conquered a major foe.

Our society is currently undergoing a change and it is possible to envisage a society in the future where there are three distinct classes or castes. Non-smokers would be the elite, a privileged and growing group who have never known the trauma and social stigma of smoking. Ex-smokers would be a medium class, while the lowest strata of society would be the smoking class. These unfortunate individuals will struggle to survive, but will rapidly die out.

In the more distant future, the stupidity of our current social stratification will be difficult to understand. They will read about smoking as an activity for social outcasts and perhaps anthropologists will study smoking as a mass suicide ritual.


Pippa Kay is an ex-smoker. She has been an ex-smoker since 1986!

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Doubt & Conviction: The Kalajzich Inquiry by Pippa Kay
ISBN: 0646 41806 8
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